Sir Arthur Conan Doyle introduces Sherlock Holmes in the 1887 story “A Study in Scarlet.” In it, Holmes shocks his friend John H. Watson, M.D. with his ignorance, which “was as remarkable as his knowledge.” Watson is particularly surprised that Holmes is unaware that the earth revolves around the sun.
“Now that I do know it I shall do my best to forget it,” says Holmes. And further explains that, unlike the fool, “the skilful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing his work….”
Like Sherlock Holmes, I am very careful what I put into my brain-attic. For example, I never turn on the television, and rarely read a newspaper. I get all the news I need from The Onion. It’s intelligent, it’s funny, and it takes on every story of importance. Working backward, I can figure out what the straight news was without having to endure CNN or Fox or the NYT.
Today’s headline is a delicious piece of satire, as only The Onion can do it. Every day, they get letters from people who mistake their features for straight news. It’s getting harder and harder to make up stuff that isn’t actually happening somewhere.
